Another Life
by former-burning-example
Summary: AU. Jane and Maura share a telepathic bond that allows them to see and feel the other's world. Rizzles. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: A film adaptation of 'In Your Eyes,' but of course, with my own Rizzles twist. If you haven't seen the film, I highly recommend it. It's wonderful._

 _This is a short intro/prologue. I'm thinking it'll be around 10 chapters give or take. And keep in mind that I'm merely swapping the two leads for Jane and Maura, the rest of the storyline remains true to the movie._

 _b_

* * *

.

.

 **Massachusetts**

 **Twenty-Five Years Ago**

.

The gleeful shrieks and laughter of the children should have served as some sort of comfort. A sign that this was a place of play. Safe. Fun. Enjoyable. But the more she listened, the more out of place she felt. She didn't belong here. The cold air stung her cheeks, and she wanted nothing more than to walk down the hill with her sled trailing behind and never return.

On her left, a boy flew down the hill, a blur of neon yellow and camouflage. Then on her right, two girls raced side-by-side, their sleds spitting up snow was they went.

Maura closed her eyes then, blocking out the blinding white snow as she tightened her grip on her own sled. This was absolutely crazy.

"Go ahead, darling," her mother tried, her voice kind and patient. But now Maura was beginning to think it was a terrible idea to drag her mother into all of this. She would be so disappointed to see her daughter unable to manage the courage to push off.

Maura opened her eyes and watched another half dozen or so kids slide down and trek back up the hill, smiling and laughing. Having the time of their lives.

"Brave," she whispered to herself as she lowered herself flat on her stomach atop her brand new sled.

It was time to be brave.

.

.

 **New Mexico**

.

The playground was alive.

A crowd had collected just feet behind where Jane stood at home plate, giving the pitcher her best sneer. The one that absolutely screamed, ' _go on, throw it. I double dog dare you!'_

"C'mon, Janie!" Barry shouted from second base. "Hit me home!"

"Let's go Jane! Let's go Jane!" the crowd cheered, and right then, she _knew_. That lunchtime baseball game might as well have been the World Series. The pitcher smirked, but Jane only matched it, doubling his intensity. Oh yes, she was definitely bringing home a victory on the school bus today.

But just as the pitcher began to wind back, a sea of white clouded her vision. The baseball field vanished, leaving nothing in its place. She blinked the game back into focus just in time to see the ball zoom right past her into the catcher's mitt.

"Strike one!"

Jane shook it off. So she got a strike. Big deal. Happens to the best of 'em. She just couldn't let it happen again in front of all of these people. The last thing she wanted was her little problem to cost her the game.

The catcher tossed the ball back, and the rag tag crowd of elementary schoolers laughed as it soared high above his head and rolled into the outfield. Jane rolled her eyes and tapped her foot impatiently as she waited. It was just like these boys to mess everything up right before the bell.

Jane watched as the boy picked up the ball and started to jog back, but somewhere between blinks she lost him. Again, she blinked her eyes rapidly to clear her vision, but nothing happened. She was trapped in a sea of white. Cold and bitter on her skin. Her fingers gripped hard around her bat, but she couldn't see anything.

She felt the wind sharply hitting her face, and acute sense of fear encroaching on her.

And then suddenly it was right in front of her. Amidst the ocean of frigid white, a thick, gnarled oak tree stood directly in her path. It seemed to grow larger by the second, and only then did she realize it wasn't growing at all.

She was headed straight for it.

Frantic to avoid collision, Jane tried to move out of the way. But she couldn't. She was stuck on a one-way path.

 _'Maura, Maura darling jump off!'_

The woman's voice was as clear as day, but Jane couldn't recognize her.

 _'Maura! Maura jump off the sled! Maura!'_

Jane's heart hammered against her chest so hard she thought it might bruise. She wanted to jump, but she couldn't. Her body was not her own. She shut her eyes tight unable to handle her impending doom.

Her skull connected with the trunk of the tree with a sickening crack, and Jane crumpled to the dirt on top of home plate in the sweltering New Mexico sun.

.

.

 **Massachusetts**

.

The other mothers grabbed their children by the elbows and towed them back to their mini vans and SUVs for Capri Sun and granola bar after-school snacks as Constance Isles loaded into an ambulance with her gurney-strapped daughter.

"Why didn't you jump, darling?" she whispered, her voice nearly breaking at the sight of her daughter's blood oozing into her golden hair.

"Scared," Maura said so softly it didn't matter who was listening. "So scared."


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Frankie is definitely OOC, but this is an AU and I have to use someone. Also, this is Rizzles endgame so please keep that in mind._

.

.

 **New Mexico**

 **Present Day**

.

She'd been working at the town car wash for two months, and already she'd found a million and one reasons to hate it. The rude customers and their goddamn Cadillacs. The shit hours. The even shittier pay. But what she hated most about it was days like these. After picking up an extra shift and working her ass off to make sure some blue blood's car sparkled like a diamond, she'd have no way of knowing that her parole officer was already in her home.

By now she should expect it. Pull up to her piece of crap trailer in the middle of nowhere, go inside, crack open a beer, and offer one to the man already waiting on her couch even though he'll refuse and claim he's on the clock every time.

"You clean cars all day for a living, and you can't even pick up after yourself in your own home?" Vince Korsak said, probably judging her, probably struggling to stand, probably holding back that awful cough she just knew would happen anyway.

"You're the only one who comes out here. What difference does it make?"

"Well, maybe if you tried a little, people would want to come around."

"Yeah?" she had to smile. Just a little. "Like who?"

He offered a heavy shrug, "Hell if I know." Then suddenly, he was all business. "Have you associated yourself with any known criminals?"

"No, sir." Jane pushed a hand through her hair, trying to be patient. It was just the routine. Protocol even. She could handle it.

"Have you crossed over the state line at any time?"

She shook her head and pushed past him into her living room. "Have not."

"How's the job?"

"Boring. But it's mine."

"Good to hear."

"Is there anything else you _need_ to know?"

Korsak chuckled and stepped clumsily over a pile of unfolded laundry. "Yeah, if you're gonna slip up and make me throw your ass back in jail."

She leaned heavily against the back of the couch and suppressed the irritated groan bubbling up in her throat. "This might be a stupid question, but what did I ever do to you?"

"To me? Nothing. But you broke into people's houses and took what didn't belong to you. What people worked long and hard for."

"I served my time, Vince. My conscience is shiny and new," she punctuated herself with a pull off her bottle. "Why do you give me such a hard time anyway?"

"Because you're smart, Jane. And there ain't nothing worse than when a smart one screws up. I'm watching you, Rizzoli." He started to leave, but he'd never make it that easy on her. "I'd lock your doors. There's thieves and burglars around these parts."

"Yeah," she said after he was long gone. "Thanks."

.

.

 **Massachusetts**

.

Maura stood in front of the mirror about to add the last touch of mascara when Ian rushed through into the closet. His entrance was so abrupt, the brush fell from her fingertips and clattered around in the sink. Her hand fell over her chest as she composed herself enough to make him believe he hadn't startled her as much as he did.

"I bet you thought I wouldn't make it."

"I didn't think I would either."

"Oh that's right, because you only had twelve hours to change. You should have started yesterday." He placed a warm hand at her hip and smiled widely.

"Very funny." He liked to tease her, and she supposed at this point she might have grown a little fond of it.

"Well, two of our trustees are going to be at the Johnson's-"

"Do I have to be charming?" It was a serious question.

Ian smiled again, "No, just be yourself..." He seemed to think about it for a moment, "You know what? Maybe a little charming. Just smile and nod and talk to the wives. It's the _Johnsons_. Carol will be there. Have a good time. Gossip behind our backs."

Maura's heart faltered a little, and her hands dropped to the simple white material of her dress at the mention of 'gossip.' In truth, she was never very good at it, while the wives of Ian's friends seemed to have doctorates in the subject. More often that not, she found it salacious and blatantly false. This was not a popular opinion among the other wives.

Ian stood beside her, straightening his tie in the mirror when he froze for a moment.

"Is that what you're wearing?"

.

.

 **New Mexico**

.

She'd never been any good at pool, but that never stopped her from blowing all her spare change on a single game. Maybe it was the buzz she had going that talked her into it. Maybe it was just her world-class idiocy shining through. Whatever it was, she'd just lost the fifty dollars meant to last her the rest of the week.

"C'mon sweetheart, one more game."

"Can't."

"I think you can," he slurred, leaning into her personal space. Drunk. He beat her drunk.

"Sorry," she mumbled, shrugging him off. She took a seat at the bar and ordered her last beer of the night. The bartender shot her that disapproving look he always did around that time. Just like everyone else in here, he knew her story. He knew exactly what kind of paycheck she was living on.

"This one's on the house," he murmured, but what she really heard was, ' _food is importing too, you idiot.'_

"Thanks, Dan."

She turned in her chair to look out at the pool tables, immediately spinning back after spotting the two faces she knew could make her violate her parole in a heartbeat.

They saw her. They had to have.

"Janie! Been lookin' all over for you!" Frankie shouted, half-drunk and apparently very happy to see her.

"Hey, Frankie," she hoped her disinterest in her brother would turn him away. It didn't. Of course it didn't.

"What've you been workin' on, sis?"

"Dirty cars, mostly."

"Yeah?" he nodded and clapped her hard on the shoulder. "That sounds shitty. Better work's comin' though. Tons of businesses going belly-up in this economy," he leaned in closer then, "lots of stuff just laying around, waiting to get picked."

Jane shook her head and stared at the amber liquid in her bottle. "I can't."

"C'mon, Janie. It'll be like old times... And I know you could use the money. Especially if you ever wanna play pool again."

At another time she supposed she would have smiled at the joke, but now it just soured her mood further. Here she was trying to make something of herself, and they come in looking to drag her back. Now that was laughable.

"Yeah, c'mon, Janie!" Tommy her youngest brother added in. He smirked at her and waved Dan over, "Can I get another one for my poor sister?"

Jane slid the beer away from herself as her brothers walked away. She didn't need anything from them.

Dan pushed his sleeves further up his arms the way he always did before he scolded her. Nothing about this scenario was new, that much was painfully clear to her. "If Korsak finds out you and Frankie've been chattin', he's gonna send you right back up in there."

"Yeah," she said down to her bottle, "he probably will anyway."

.

.

 **Massachusetts**

.

The Johnson's party was as stuffy as they come. Bow-tied servers walked around with trays of expensive champagne in crystal glasses and those little toothpick-skewered snacks that would most likely only be eaten by those who have not recently attended one of these types of things, and were far too out of practice to care.

But the house was absolutely beautiful. So much so, Maura almost forgot how out of place she felt until Carol Johnson took her coat and greeted her with a kiss on each cheek. A gesture that reminded her so very much of her childhood, growing up among the Boston Elite.

Ian led her by the arm to the gathering of the other doctors' wives, and while she wasn't particularly fond of any single one of them, together they made decent company. They always remembered to include her and keep the conversation flowing when she came at a loss of things to say. They noticed her in a way that excluded all her strange quirks and slight social ineptness. She was grateful.

"Did you hear about Ethan Ronan?" one of them, possibly Margot, asked the group with wide eyes. Maura scanned her brain for an Ethan Ronan, but came up dry. "He's having an affair!"

Carol and the others audibly gasped, and Maura supposed that meant she should too.

"How do you know? No... No, who is _she?_ "

Margot lowered her voice even more, causing the group of them to move closer. "It's Paula Dodd!"

That name clicked in Maura's head immediately, "Isn't she that-"

"The gift shop clerk, yeah! Can you believe it?"

Maura didn't know what to do with the information. More than anything, she just needed another drink. Like clockwork, a server came by just a few seconds later.

"Oh yes," she said when he offered, "thank y-"

"She's good," Ian said, gently pushing the bottle away from her glass.

The server nodded and walked away with the last chance of her survival through the night clutched in his hands, swishing around and landing in someone else's glass a few feet away.

She let out a sign, the kind she knew she shouldn't in public, but she did it anyway. Enduring one of these functions sober had warranted her that much.

.

.

 **New Mexico**

.

Jane had been watching her all night, trying to muster some shred of a conversation starter. Just _anything_ she could use to get that girl across the bar to give her the time of day. She'd known Riley for years, but then again, everyone knew everyone in this town. The point was, there was a pretty good chance Riley already knew about her trip to jail. If anything, it could be one hell of an ice-breaker.

She looked over at her again, shocked to find Riley already looking, and even more shocked to see her getting out of her chair and heading over.

"Hi, Jay."

A million and one filler words smashed into her brain, _'uh... I... uhm.. like...'_ but surprisingly what came out sounded normal. "Hey, Riley."

"Do you wanna buy me a drink?" she asked, nudging Jane's shoulder with her own. God, she was gorgeous. A girl like that didn't belong anywhere near a town like this.

Jane was about to say yes, when a dream sequence of all her money circling the drain flashed into her head like a memory. "Damn," she felt her pockets for emphasis, pushing the point that she _really_ was broke, "I'm all cleaned out right now... I mean I would... you can have mine."

"Oh," Riley said, seemingly surprised this exchange didn't land her the drink she thought it would, but she backtracked and leaned into Jane's arm for only a moment. "That's okay. I don't want your cooties."

"No, no, I went to a specialist about that, and they turned out to be benign cooties so," she pushed her bottle towards Riley wondering why she couldn't shut the hell up. Word vomit doesn't get you dates.

Riley laughed almost awkwardly, "Wait, what?"

"Nothing. It was just a joke... Anyway, what's been going on with you?"

"The usual," the other woman answered with a slight shake of the head. It wasn't going well. In fact, the awkwardness in the air was practically palpable. "You working, Jay?"

"Yeah, I'm over at the... the car wash."

"That's good, Jay. Really."

The silence that followed made Jane want to run for the hills. God, she was terrible at this.

"Well, I see you around. It was nice talking to you, Jane."

"Yeah," she murmured so low Riley couldn't possibly hear, she was already halfway across the bar with her friends anyway. "Good talking to you."

.

.

 **Massachusetts**

.

"It really was the greatest experience!" Carol continued on talking about her recent enrollment within an art class. "I only took the class because of Margot-"

"And the naked men," her husband interjected eliciting laughter from almost everyone in the group.

"And the naked men, of course," she agreed jokingly. "But now it's become an obsession... the drawing, I mean."

Even with only a single glass of champagne in her system, Maura felt relaxed. At this point the husbands had joined the wives on the couches in the living room. With Ian by her side she felt a little more at ease with his friends. _'Our friends'_ as Ian would always correct her.

"What about you, Maura? Ever thought of taking any classes?"

Maura leaned away as everyone else seemed to lean in for her answer. They all moved together in a way that made her almost feel terrified, even though it was completely irrational to feel any way other than happy to be among friends.

"I've wanted to take a painting class for a while now... but I'm not any good."

"Oh, honey you're not out to make a living," Carol said, eyes kind. "I think art would be good for you. It clears out the cobwebs... Not that you've got any co-"

The left side of Maura's face exploded with white-hot pain, the force so great, it knocked her from the edge of the couch onto the floor.

"Oh my god, Maura!"

"What happened?"

"Jesus, are you okay?"

She heard many other variations of the same question before Ian helped her back onto the couch. "I'm sorry... Sorry, I'm fine," she said, waving her hands dismissively to try to get the attention off of herself.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fine. Really."

.

.

 **New Mexico**

.

Jane pulled herself to her feet when she made certain it was safe to get up. She brushed the dirt off her jacket, rolled her shoulders, and checked her jaw. She was fine.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, I didn't even see him coming."

Dan checked over his shoulder for her attacker. She chalked it up to some angry drunk looking to collect his promised winnings from a pool game a few nights ago.

"Well, he knocked the living piss outta you."

Jane rubbed the left side of her face, "Yeah. I know."

.

.

 **Massachusetts**

.

"You want to give me a little warning the next time you have a seizure? I mean... that was quite the show, Maura."

Maura squeezed her hands together, holding her fear at bay. Ian wasn't anyone to be scared of. She didn't want to lie to him, but could it really be lying if she didn't _know_ the truth?

"It... It was a muscle spasm."

"I guess."

She contemplated telling him what was on her mind, but there wasn't any telling how he would react. Either way, he was a doctor, and there was a chance he could help explain some of what happened.

"It hurt, Ian... for a moment I... it felt life somebody hit me."

"The look on your face, Maura... It was a little much. Even for someone with... muscle spasms." He blew out a frustrated sigh, "I guess for a second I thought this was the beginning of another-"

She cut him off. She had to. "It's not."

"Okay."

"It's not," she repeated, hating how desperate it came out.

"Okay," he said again, but something in his tone let her know that he didn't believe a word she said.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: For those of you concerned, this follows the film almost exactly, but I've changed a few things here and there to make it a better fit for Jane and Maura. Breathe guys. It's just for entertainment purposes._

* * *

.

.

 **New Mexico**

.

 _She's bright._

 _In flashes of sunlight she smiles at you, twirling a strand of honey blond around her finger. Her eyes hold yours, green and hazel and all-too familiar._

 _She is lovely._

 _You reach out to her, but that only makes her smile shyly and turn her eyes to the floor. She takes a step back, bright and beautiful. She's all smiles and freckles and something tells you she feels like sunshine. But you can't reach her. Every time you try, she just smiles again and steps away._

 _She shakes her head at some sudden dull ringing far away: she doesn't like it. It's upsetting her. You want to stop it. Smash the source into a million pieces because you need her to smile again._

 _But she doesn't. She backs away as the ringing becomes louder. Deafening._

 _She's running now._

 _You can't move._

 _Ring. Ring. Ring._

.

Jane woke with a start and searched the space around her bed for her phone. By some miracle it was still ringing by the time her hand closed around it.

"Hello?"

"Jane, you're late." Cavanaugh. Her boss.

Shit. Shit. Shit. _Shit._ "What time is it?"

"Almost ten. Where are you?"

By then she was halfway out the door, still pulling her shirt over her head. She probably smelled like a brewery, but she couldn't lose her job. She climbed into her truck and sped off, ready to ignore every speed limit sign on her way into town. "I'm on my way."

.

.

 **Massachusetts**

.

She liked to window shop.

Especially on days like these when Ian was busy at the hospital. Days when their grand Beacon Hill home seemed far too lonely to bear. Going out seemed like the only logical thing to do to fill her time, but she never let herself splurge. They may have been well off, but something told her Ian wouldn't appreciate a spontaneous shopping trip. Even if only once.

Still she liked the idea of browsing. There was a certain mysterious air about being the woman that peered through windows or only came inside for a few moments before heading off to the next shop.

By the time she made it to the gift shop Paula Dodd worked in, she was more than ready to escape the cold. But maybe there was some part of her that wanted to see if Paula could possibly be the type to get involved with a married man. Carol and the wives seemed to be rubbing off on her. She wasn't so sure that was a good thing.

Giving into her curiosity, she stepped inside, slightly charmed by the little bell that signified her entrance.

The lady behind the counter- sadly not Paula- greeted her with a warm smile. "Can I help you find anything in particular?"

"No thank you, I'm just looking."

"Take your time, dear. Let me know if you need anything."

It took her only moments to notice she was the only customer. The place could be described as 'quaint,' though the word made it seem like some sort of stop on a tour bus full of senior citizens. It was certainly not a place Ian would spend more then ten seconds perusing. He didn't like the sort of thing, but Maura did. She genuinely enjoyed the handmade trinkets and novelty pens. It was the sort of stuff she had collected as a child to make the days pass faster in her time overseas or stuck in her family home for the holidays.

A glass kitten caught her eye. With its brown paws and little red bow, she almost couldn't resist reaching for it.

But as she did, she felt her eyes go fuzzy for a moment. She blinked a couple of times and resisted the urge to rub her eyes.

She reached for it again, holding back a gasp as suddenly her hand was reaching for a car radio. The small glass kitten was nowhere in sight. Instead, she looked up, seeing nothing but dry, barren land and the curve of the road in front of her.

"No," she whispered to herself, blinking and blinking. "Come back."

She looked down again at the car radio and watched as her hand- no, _a_ hand reached for the volume setting. She glanced up again, utter panic gripping her as the truck she seemed to be riding in crossed the double yellow lines just as a white van rounded the corner.

"Look out!" she yelled, throwing her hands out in front of her and forcing herself backwards. Her own car swerved at the last second, righting itself and missing the van only marginally.

The lady behind the counter rushed to her aid, "Are you-"

 _"Fuck,"_ a voice said from somewhere Maura couldn't possibly fathom.

"What?" she asked spinning around, trying to locate the other voice.

 _"What?"_

"Who is that?" She kept looking all around her, doing her best to ignore the increasing worry setting in on the shopkeeper's face.

 _"Who said that? What?"_ the voice was low and gravelly, and one she somehow recognized immediately. She just couldn't name it or find a face to match.

"Stop it!" Maura whimpered, curling into herself right there in the middle of the store.

"Ma'am?" the lady questioned gently. Concerned.

"Stop!" Maura shouted, "Stop this!"

"Ma'am, are you okay?"

She glanced up at the lady, searching for some kind of half-truth. Finding nothing, she did the next best thing.

She ran away.

.

"Stop. Stop it. Stop it. Stopitstopitstopitstopit. Stop it. Stop," she chanted quietly to herself as she stumbled down the sidewalk, feeling her way blindly, unable to focus between the snowy Boston boulevard and this hot, desolate wasteland that seemed to keep fading in and out.

 _"What? What is this? What's going on?"_ the voice asked, clearly as confused at this madness as she.

"Stop this. Stop it. Stop it."

 _"Hey, shut up!"_

Maura took in a deep breath and steadied herself against the street-facing glass of the old dance studio that ran out of business three weeks prior.

 _"Can... Can you hear me?"_

"I'm sorry," she whispered back. It was all she could think to say.

 _"You're sorry? What are you sorry about? Who are you?"_

"Who are you?" She pressed her palms flat against the glass and rested her forehead on the backs of her splayed fingers.

 _"Hey, I asked you that... I'm... I'm looking at a store window. Am I looking at a store window?"_

"Yes... _I_ am," she said, sucking in another breath. "A ballet studio, actually."

 _"Are you me?"_

"No. No. No!" she pushed harder against the glass. Frustrated and confused. "You're in my head. I'm having... I'm losing my..."

 _"Where am I?"_

"What?"

 _"Where_ am _I"_

"You're... You're on the road... There's a truck. I don't understand. What's happening? What does that mean?"

 _"It means I have a truck. Why? What do you have?"_

She slid down with her back against the glass and wrapped her arms around her knees. To the passerby, she must have looked insane. Probably was, too.

 _"What do you have?"_ the voice asked as clear as her own inner thoughts.

"Uhm... A Prius."

 _"Uhh... nice? Safe. Definitely safe."_

She smiled a little at that. The Prius was her choice. One of the only things in their life that Ian let her choose all on her own. She was extremely proud of it.

"I... I can see out there and here," she motioned outwards with one hand. "It's like one's closer and one's far away... I just focus, and I can see what's here... or what's in my head."

 _"This isn't_ _your head, lady. This is New Mexico."_

"Wait, you're real... You're a _real_ person?"

 _"Aw, that's the sweetest thing anybody's said to me all day... Wait, it's cold. Are you cold there?"_

"Yes, it's... it's almost winter here."

 _"This is too crazy. I can hear you-"_

"Like I can hear myself."

 _"Where are you? If you're not in my head, then where are you?"_

"Boston, Massachusetts," she offered weakly. Her head was spinning. None of this made any sense.

 _"Massachusetts? Wait a minute, what time is it? What day?"_

Maura leaned her head back, trying to remember the date. She couldn't remember the last time it mattered. Just as long as she was home by the time the sun set, she'd have no problems with anyone.

"It's... uh... Thursday the twenty-fourth."

 _"Okay, well that's today. Do you have a watch?"_

"Yes," she looked down at her watch, seeing one that was not at all her own, and two hours slow.

 _"Oh my god. You're in the future. You're two hours in the future!"_

"No, I'm in a different time-zone."

 _"Oh, right."_

Another smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, but before she could truly enjoy the humor of it, a new fear materialized into Maura's brain. What if this person... this woman... what if she could hear her thoughts too?

"Can you hear what I'm thinking?"

 _"I dunno, think something."_

"Okay," she pressed her fingers against her temples. "What should I think about?"

 _"I can't tell you what to think about if I'm guessing what you're thinking about."_

"Right," embarrassment flooded her cheeks, but it did nothing to take away from the image she was using all her energy to focus on.

 _"Yeah, I got nothing."_

"I'm thinking about tortoises."

 _"Okay. Weird one. What if we both ju-"_

The voice was cut abruptly as a another interrupted, "Maura? Are you okay?"

She glanced up from her seated position, surprised to find Chief Crowe offering her a hand up. "Oh, Chief Crowe... I just... I think I fell." A total and complete lie, she felt her chest tightening and her skin prickling all over.

"Are you hurt?"

"No. No, not at all. Thank you," she brushed some powdery snow off her coat.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"Oh yes, I'm great... I'm great... Maybe if you could just walk me to my car?"

"Absolutely. Where are you at?"

.

Once in her car, she checked around to make sure no stray eyes fell upon her.

"Um, hi?"

 _"Woah, hey. I think we got disconnected or something back there."_

"Someone came, I had to... uh, cut you off. I mean, I could feel you trying to come back. But I could stop it."

 _"Good to know."_

She opened her mouth to respond, earning a strange look from a passing dog walker. Sighing, she pulled out of the parking lot. "I can't talk here. People are staring."

 _"Yeah, as long as I still have this job I gotta get to it... but I mean we need to talk about all of this."_

"Later then." She released the lip trapped beneath her teeth, remembering just how bad a habit that was to break in high school. She didn't want it picking up again. "Ten o'clock... that's eight your time."

 _"Yeah, thanks. I can read a clock,"_ the voice joked, but Maura didn't really know how to feel about it. _"And if it doesn't work-"_

"Then it was nice meeting you."

...

Ian came home late. Later than usual, but the clock did nothing to stop him from falling into their usual evening routine. Which included, much to Maura's dismay, a sit-down dinner.

She didn't bother holding any conversation with him. The last thing she wanted to do was get swept away and never get a change to hear that voice again because despite everything, she now clung to the memory of it.

"It's almost ten," she noted out loud, hoping he'd realize the time and head off to bed.

"It is. Is that come cause for excitement?"

"No. No, no... It's just that we ate so late-"

"I told you it was going to be a long day." He seemed irritated with her, and that was something she wanted to avoid. Ian had a cold kind of anger. The kind that carved out all her insides and hung her on a wire to dry out.

"I just meant," she gingerly reached for his hand, "I thought you'd be tired."

"Well, I'm not. Is that okay?"

She drew her hand back. "Of course."

He went back to his dinner, pausing for a moment to wipe his hands on a cloth napkin. "Actually, there was a show that I wanted to watch."

A small victory. "Okay, that sounds fun."

Maura waited until she could hear the dull drawling of the TV before hurried down the hall, opting for the study. Ian seemed to have no use for it these days. He wouldn't interrupt. She shut the door behind her, wringing her hands out nervously in front of her. This was absolutely crazy.

"Are... Are you there?"

Not even a beat passed before she got her answer.

 _"Yeah... wow. Hi... I didn't expect this to work again. I thought I was just..."_

"I know," she agreed covering her face with her hands. She wasn't out of her mind. The realization washed over her in a warm wave, "I thought I was too!"

 _"I spent all day trying to figure out why."_

Maura rested her back against the bookshelf behind her, taking in the room that was not at all the study it was moments ago. Her vision seemed to lapse between two worlds. The one she knew, and the one so very far from her reach.

"Did you come up with anything?"

 _"Yeah, actually. Are you by any chance Satan?"_

A smile pulled at her lips, threatening to snap her back into the strange comfort she felt just hours ago.

"No... I'm... My name is Maura."

 _"Right... you have a name. I'm Jane."_

Jane. She had a name. An identity. A life all her own, and something in that fascinated Maura. That this voice wasn't just some collection of floating sound waves. There was a source. A living, breathing person.

 _"Nice room. Is that your place?"_

"Yes," she said, turning her head to take in the entirety of the room. Bookshelves full of encyclopedias and old medical journals lined three of the four walls. The other held framed pictures of Ian's family and friends made from volunteer trips to Ethiopia.

"Yes, this is my house... well, it's my husband's house..." For some reason the admission made her uneasy.

 _"Oh, you're married..."_

If Maura sensed even the smallest sliver of disappointment in Jane's voice, she pushed it as far away from herself as she could manage.

 _"Did you tell him about... y'know. All this?"_

Maura closed her eyes and interlocked her fingers behind her back. She hadn't, nor did she plan on telling Ian. He wouldn't understand. He _really_ wouldn't understand.

"No, I didn't tell him."

 _"Maybe it's better if you don't right away. I dunno, it's hard enough for_ me _to believe it. I can't imagine how he'd feel."_

Finally finding her focus, Maura scanned Jane's surroundings. It felt a little like squinting through muddy water at first, but after a few deep breaths, Jane's world sank into clarity.

"This is your house?" she asked, smiling a little to herself. To put it nicely: Jane's house was an absolute mess. Clothes were strewn in every direction and pizza boxes and beer bottles cluttered every surface. Normally, Maura wouldn't dare subject herself to such a... well, such a pigsty, but there was something charming this this chaotic mess.

She could see Jane's hands moving around frantically trying to clean up. There was really no need. But then suddenly, her vision of the room cut to a dull slab of wood paneling. Jane was staring at the wall.

"No... what are you doing?" she did nothing to hide the childish disappointment in her voice.

 _"It's better this way. You shouldn't have'ta... I don't really have women over that much."_

Something in Jane's tone shifted Maura a bit. She'd gone from slightly sarcastic and teasing, to quiet and embarrassed so quickly. The lack of transition had the wheels in Maura's head turning thoughtfully. She brought her left hand up to her face, flinching at the sudden flare of pain at her own touch.

"Oh." An idea. And absolutely crazy idea. "Jane?"

 _"Yeah?"_

"Did you by any chance get hit last night?"

 _"Yeah... Yeah, some drunk guy came right at me with a-"_

"With a pool cue! I was there!" she laughed a little at the slight humor around the edges. "I _felt_ it... Jane, this is impossible."

 _"I'm pretty sure this is happening, Maura."_

There had to be some kind of scientific explanation for this. Some experimental trial. The detailed account of some probable-quack doctor who had really been onto something. Just _anything._ This sort of thing just didn't happen.

It just _didn't._

.

.

 **New Mexico**

.

Jane leaned against the door jam, listening to Maura tell her version to her little scrape-up in the bar last night. Apparently, she'd been at a dinner party and just collapsed right off the couch. She felt a twinge of pain in her chest. Maura shouldn't have felt that. She didn't deserve to get punched in the face with a pool cue for idiocy that was not her own.

As Maura spoke, Jane glanced around the study. The bookshelves along the walls were well-stocked, but the thick layer of dust told her neither Maura, nor her husband had much use for them. Either way, it was a nice room. Far too nice a place for Jane to ever set foot in. Just what kind of people were they?

Suddenly, she felt a wave of Maura's panic as the woman scrambled across the room and grabbed the phone just as the door cracked open. A man- Ian, she supposed- stepped inside the doorway giving her a look that resembled anger.

 _"Hey, I'm just telling J-Jennifer about the party last night."_

 _"You must tell it pretty well. I heard you all the way in the living room."_

 _"I'm sorry,"_ Maura apologized, and Jane felt that twinge again. Maura was enjoying herself, why should she be the one to apologize?

 _"It's alright,"_ Ian said, walking away and shutting the door rather loudly after him.

"So... that's your husband?"

Her view of Maura's study bobbed up and down. Maura was nodding. _"Yes, he's... he's a doctor. He's the head of Boston General."_

"Professional man," Jane said quietly. A goddamn doctor. Maura was married to a doctor, and here she was washing cars for a living. Other side of the tracks?

Other side of the world.

 _"I should probably go._ "

No. No. Not yet. Jane wasn't sure if she was ready to say goodbye. "Do you wanna talk again tomorrow?"

Maura was silent for a few long seconds. Jane watched as she looked down to her hands and then studied the floor in front of her feet.

 _"Okay, but after Ian goes to work."_


	4. Chapter 4

**New Mexico**

.

As it turned out, Maura was a nervous talker.

When Ian left for work the next morning, she jumped into some sort of tangent about the bumpy brown lump on the floor she later identified as Bass the tortoise.

Jane listened as Maura went on about what and when to feed him and how it wasn't safe anymore to let him outside. As she spoke, Jane felt Maura's fingertips gently trace the top of her head in a sort of curved line. She didn't think much of it until the woman did it again. And again a few seconds later.

"Maura?"

 _"Yes?"_ Maura responded, tangent coming to a speeding halt.

"Did... did you ever go sledding?" Jane stood up from her spot on the steps outside her trailer. "Did you ever go sledding and get _really_ hurt?"

There was a short pause, but it was silent enough to make Jane feel as if she had lost her.

 _"I- I hit a tree."_

"Oh my god," Jane's hands raked through her dark curls. "It knocked _me_ out cold!"

 _"I still have the scar."_ She could feel Maura reach up and trace its shape again, _"Jane..."_

 _"Jane that was twenty-five years ago."_

.

.

 **Massachusetts**

.

Maura busied herself with clearing her and Ian's breakfast dishes. This was all too much. Everything that was so apparently happening to them was absolutely impossible. But there Jane was bringing up her sledding accident from a lifetime ago. She'd nearly forgotten it herself. The fact that Jane could remember it was remarkable.

"I left the hospital with twelve stitches. My mother," Maura sighed and leaned her hip against the island. "She never let me go sledding again. Not that I was particularly keen to."

 _"What about when you were- I dunno- maybe nineteen or twenty? I mean, you were all torn up about something. I wanna say it was at the beginning of the summer, and it must've been a killer because I was seeing red for like a month."_

Maura felt the blood rise in her cheeks. It had been years since she thought about _that_. "Oh, this is... this is embarrassing."

 _"What was it?"_

She traced her finger around the rim of her coffee cup and looked to Bass as if he could offer her some sort of outlet. Of course he couldn't, but she remained hopeful.

"I can't tell you."

 _"Why not?"_

"Too personal," she tried, but it came out like a question.

 _"Maura, c'mon, you stole my entire summer!"_

She set her coffee cup down and clasped her fingers out in front of her. In the back of her mind she noted that she should really stop fidgeting. "Okay, okay... That was... Garrett."

 _"Garrett?"_

"My first boyfriend." Saying it out loud, she realized just how laughable the entire ordeal was. "I was so in love with him... Now that I think about it, we only saw each other for a couple months."

 _"What happened?"_

"What always happens. He met someone else."

 _"What a dick."_

She let that last comment slide, chalking it up to just an accessory to Jane's fiery personality. "I'm sorry for ruining your summer."

 _"Nah, it's okay. I got pretty used to having weird moods I couldn't explain."_

"Me too. For the longest time my mother thought you were PMS."

 _"Yeah, people get us mixed up a_ _lot,"_ Jane laughed, then stopped suddenly, _"_ _I think I remember your mother.. or at least when she... I dunno. You were in college, right?"_

Maura's chest tightened, the dull ache flaring for just a moment before hunkering down again for another hibernation. "Yes, she was never very well."

 _"I'm sorry."_ Genuine. Sincere.

"Don't be... god, Jane I always... After she died, I knew I wasn't right. But I never felt completely alone, and I think you're the reason why." She immediately feared she'd said too much. She was prone to that sometimes. "Did you ever feel that way?"

 _"I dunno. You tell me."_

She ran her fingers over the short hem of her dressing gown. It had been a gift from Ian's sister, a woman with no off button. "I remember your first night in prison."

 _"Oh right. I guess this means it's time to come clean."_

"Only if you want to."

She could see the ground moving back and forth. Jane was pacing. Contemplating. Maybe even panicking a little. "What did you do?"

The dusty, reddish earth came to a halt and her view suddenly jumped to a sea of blue and white. It was a nice day in New Mexico, a stark contrast to the world of grey outside her own home in Boston.

 _"I guess I'm good with locks. Not so good with silent alarms. I got two years, but I was in there with mostly lifers."_

Maura closed her eyes remembering those nights choked with terror. The nightmares that plagued her sleep and swirled around, haunting her waking hours. "I was scared."

 _"I never felt as alone as I did in there."_

"You weren't, Jane. You weren't."

She could feel Jane stewing and mentally squirming around, trying to find a way to redirect the conversation. Already, Maura knew enough to expect Jane wouldn't want to talk about herself for longer than she had to.

 _"Hey!"_

Alarm coiled around her spine. "What?"

 _"Go look in the mirror."_

"What?" That certainly came out of nowhere, but it was enough to flush her cheeks yet again. "Why?"

 _"C'mon, Maur. I don't even know what you look like, except maybe your hands."_

She waited for the second syllable of her name, but it never seemed to make it out. "Uhm... well... Why don't you do that?"

 _"'Cause... I asked first."_

"Well, I'm not doing it unless you do it too."

 _"Okay, but_ after _you."_

Maura looked down at herself, flustered at her lack of appropriate clothing. It was nearly ten o'clock and she still hadn't put something on.

"I'm not dressed."

 _"Well. whose fault is that lazy bones. Let's go."_

She could already see Jane going into her trailer. While Maura still had the power to say no, she couldn't deny her curiosity. She'd pictured a million and one different faces, but not a single one seemed to match that gravelly voice she liked so much. In truth, she _needed_ a face.

"Fine."

She climbed up the stairs slowly, trying to hold her nerves at bay. She was about to show her face to an almost perfect stranger. "This is ridiculous... I'm scared."

 _"What do you have to be scared of?"_

"You're scared too. I can feel it."

 _"Am not."_

Maura took in a deep breath and covered her eyes with her hands. "Okay. I'm going to the mirror."

Not only could she feel her own nerves buzzing around inside her body, but also Jane anticipation. Her edge-of-the-seat status. It almost felt like longing. It was more than enough to make Maura feel light-headed.

"Okay," she said again as she stepped in front of the floor-length mirror in her bedroom. "Okay.

She removed her hands and looked at her reflection, using ever thread of her willpower to _not_ cower and run away. She could feel herself squirming, and she loathed herself for it.

 _"It's... It's you... You're beautiful."_

All at once, Maura spun away from the mirror and hugged her arms tightly around her body. "Don't."

 _"Right... By beautiful, of course I mean completely hideous... C'mon, Maur. What did I say?"_

"Please don't."

 _"Maur? Can you please turn around?"_ Gentle. Jane's words were soft and non-threatening. She was leaving the choice entirely in Maura's hands.

"No... It's your turn."

 _"Uh... okay. Gimme a second."_

Maura could feel Jane running a hand through her hair, something she did often and probably never thought anything of it.

 _"Alright...um..."_

Maura's breath caught in her throat as Jane came into focus.

Of all the faces she tried to match to her name, she never even came close. Never once did she picture magnificently sharp, angular features made both softer and more intense by her wild mane of dark curls. But it was her eyes that captivated Maura the greatest.

So dark they looked almost black in the dim lighting, yet Jane's gaze remained gentle and almost afraid. As if one wrong move would cause the brunette to hide herself.

"You... You have such a nice face."

 _"Nice, huh?"_ Jane glanced away for a moment, jarred from the compliment.

"N-no... I mean, yes. You do." Maura turned to face her own mirror again. There was nothing to be scared of. Nothing.

 _"There you are."_ Jane smiled, and maybe for just a moment- one she'd never admit to herself- Maura's heart fluttered.

"Hi."

 _"Hey, you."_

..

.

 _"How did you meet? You and..."_

"Ian." Maura felt a strange twinge at the utterance of his name. It was clear Jane already had an aversion to him, but what Maura didn't understand was why.

 _"Yeah, him. Did he come in on a white horse of something? Because he looks like the type."_

"No, nothing like that. We... we met in medical school, actually."

 _"You're a doctor?"_

Maura gripped the steering wheel and glanced over at the mechanic checking under her hood. She'd been having problems starting it lately, and while she never really had the chance to dive very far, it felt like something she needed to get checked out.

 _"Maur?"_

"I wanted to be one. I really did, but after my mother died, I just couldn't anymore." She freed a hand from the steering wheel and pressed the heel to her forehead. She could feel the distinct beginnings of a headache.

 _"What happened?"_

"I dropped out, and a few months later, Ian proposed."

 _"Did you ever think about going back?"_

"Of course I did, Jane. I-"

The mechanic leaned away from the hood, "Did you say something?"

Maura grabbed her phone from the center console and held it to her ear. A halfway-attempt to disguise their conversation, "I was just... uhm... Did you figure it out? I wish I could describe it better. It was like a chugging noise?"

The mechanic nodded, "Yeah, I know. What it is is you gotta crack in your manifold. They go on you. You need to replace it. Lemme check my stock and I can probably rack you up today, yeah?"

"Yes, thank you," she called out, but the mechanic was already halfway to his garage.

 _"What year is your Prius?"_

"Oh, 2010, I think."

 _"There's no way the exhaust system would go out after just a few years. Turn her over."_

"I don't know what that means."

 _"Try to start it, Maur."_ She did as told, feeling a little foolish for not knowing something so simple. _"Now go look under the hood._ "

"Me? Now?"

 _"No, after her charges you 1,200 bucks."_

"Oh."

 _"Yeah, 'oh.' Now come on."_

Maura had barely even looked under the hood of her car twice before, and Jane wanted her to locate the problem? "Okay, what am I looking at?"

 _"That sounds like it could just be the sensor got loose, so that should be over by the ABS."_

Maura shook her head at the meaningless words, "I don't know what that is."

 _"That box-thing over there."_

"Over here?" she pointed at _something_ , she just didn't know what.

 _"No, on the other side."_

"Here?"

 _"No, it's like a multi-prong plug-in thing."_

Maura's hand hovered slowly over everything she could see until Jane stopped her.

 _"Okay, see that right there? Yeah that."_

She grabbed what looked like a colorful mess of wires with a stopper on the end. "What do I do with it?"

 _"See, it's loose. Plug it in. There's your problem right there."_

She pushed the wires back into place delighting as the chugging sound subsided completely. "It stopped! I fixed it!"

 _"Yeah, you did, Maur."_

The mechanic came back just as she was closing the trunk. He started to tell her about how lucky she was he could take her car in and get it back to her later that day, much to Jane's annoyance.

"No, it's okay. Apparently the manifolds and the exhaust things were fine. It was just the..."

 _"Sensor."_

"The sensor just needed tightening."

"I don't think that's gonna do you much good in the long run, but I can do it for you."

"No, thanks fine. I already did it. But thank you."

 _"And they put_ me _in prison."_


	5. Chapter 5

**New Mexico**

 **Two Weeks Later**

.

"How's the auto-cleaning business treating you?" Korsak asked, never looking away from his desktop computer. He tended to hit the keys harder than necessary and at an unbelievably slow rate. Clearly a man in opposition to the ever-changing world around him.

"Actually, I've been thinking about finding new work."

"Bull."

She rolled her eyes, he never seemed to believe a word she said. "I wanna see if I can find something better. I'm not gonna quit or anything, not until I'm sure, but..." she offered only a shrug to punctuate herself.

Korsak leaned over to look at her around the monitor. He studied her for a moment, almost scrutinizing her. "What's with you, Rizzoli? You gotta funny look."

"What?"

"You look like you're about to kiss me."

Jane smirked and leaned back against her chair, "Well, you know when the light hits you, Korsak, something about you just-"

"Okay, okay... What's really going on, Jane?"

"Nothing."

"For such a smart girl, you're a damn terrible liar."

So he wanted to know. She could handle that. Maura wasn't some huge secret she absolutely had to keep safe...

Except maybe she was.

"I met someone."

Korsak laughed, dragging his hands over his tired face, "Well, there it is. She know you're a con?"

"She doesn't seem to mind."

"Oh, so she's a _classy_ one."

"You'd be surprised."

Korsak gave her a sharp look, reminding her that at the end of the day, he's still not her friend. "Nothing you do could surprise me, Rizzoli."

.

 _"I like that you told him you had a girlfriend."_

"Yeah, well some people will believe anything."

She could see the cards as Maura placed then out in front of her. For the past two days she'd been trying to teach Maura how to play cards. Well, solitaire to be more specific. She didn't seem to have any interest in the games of chance Jane liked best.

 _"I remember some of your girlfriends."_

"Nothing ever lasted more than a couple of dates, Maur... I'm not that good with women."

 _"What about your sexual needs?"_

Jane leaned away from her truck's engine, " _Maura!_ Gotta mind like a sewer, I swear to god."

She could hear Maura's soft laughter floating around the quiet Boston coffee shop. It seemed that Maura liked to stay away from home for as long as she could before her husband returned from work. At one point she'd admitted quickly that it was too empty. That she felt too alone.

 _"Shoot..."_

Jane looked at the cards spread out in front of Maura and smirked. "Move the other six back, then you can move that one over."

 _"You know, while you were at work I researched this game."_

"And?"

 _"And?! You've been teaching me how to cheat, Jane!"_

"It's not cheating, it's creative."

 _"I don't enjoy cheating."_

"No one would ever know."

 _"I would know."_

Jane wiped the sweat from her forehead and leaned her hip against the grill of her truck. Maura was pressing her again. Maybe she didn't even realize her scolding words. It seemed to Jane that Maura would never let her forget that she was the good one.

"The only reason you don't cheat is you're scared someone'll get mad. You can't always do what you're told, Maur."

Maura's hands flattened over the top of the cards, and Jane could feel her mood shift astronomically.

 _"Spoken like a true convict."_

Jane froze then, torn between shame and anger. Or probably some disgusting mixture of both. Maura had never before used that against her. Never once did Jane think her stay in jail meant anything to Maura. Good or bad. It cut her deeper than she ever anticipated. But right before she could cut Maura off, she feels something like remorse flood between the both of them.

 _"I'm sorry."_

"I guess I kinda lost the right to be touchy- it's all true. You're right, you-"

The distinct sound of a car door slamming stopped her mid-phrase. She spun around, heart already in her stomach at the sight of Frankie and Tommy. She balled her hands into fists, silently cursing herself for ever having told them where she lived.

"Hey, Maur. I gotta go... Something I gotta do."

 _"Okay, I'll see you,_ " Maura shuffled her cards, oblivious to the arrival of new trouble. _"Goodbye, Jane."_

.

Tommy helped himself to a beer as Frankie flopped down on her couch. Jane remained standing, unsure how to go about getting her 'no' across this time. They looked so at home. It was almost revolting.

"Grumen Tech, Janie. Goddamn Grumen Tech. It's a fucking gold mine," Frankie said, kicking his feet up onto her coffee table. The very same one Maura commanded her into cleaning up just yesterday. "It's as empty as a church service on a Super Bowl Sunday."

"Oh, and the best part," Tommy added with a half-smile that made her feel sick to her stomach, "no silent alarms. Doesn't that just make you're heart sing?"

"C'mon guys! You _know_ Korsak's just waiting for me to make a move like this," she protested, but knowing them, it didn't mean much.

"Don't worry about Korsak. He'll sleep right through it. Your end is two hours at most. You open up the gates, we handle the rest." Frankie waved a hand through the air, "You don't wanna be seen with us, I get it. Hell, we'll mail you your cut."

As much as she was against the idea, nothing could make some walking-around money seem like a bad thing. Maybe that was just the criminal in her talking.

"When your parole gets through, you could be setting up in a whole new town, Janie."

Tommy shoved his hand into his pocket and leaned against the doorway to the small kitchen, "Who's ever gonna know, sis?"

Maura. Maura would know. And Maura would _never_ speak to her again. Was it worth it? Was it worth losing the one thing in her life that made her feel excited to wake up each morning?

No.

It really wasn't.

"I dunno guys. It's not good timing for me."

"What else are you gonna do all day? Wax a bunch of Caddies at the fuckin' car wash. Real nice, Janie!" Tommy shook his head angry with her.

"Look, sis. You asked for some action when you got out. Something safe. This is way the fuck out in the middle of nowhere. That equipment's just gonna rust. There's no victim here."

"Except _me!_ "

"Jane, we let you in on this because you asked. Now I don't like you knowing if you don't have a goddamn stake in it. We'll be waiting on you, sis."

"Catch you soon, Janie," Tommy said as he pushed out the door behind Frankie. "You'll make the right choice. I know you will."

.

.

 **Massachusetts**

.

Maura kept her hands folded in front of her as she wandered through the labyrinth of Boston General Hospital. The clacking of her heels seemed to have its own eerie echoing attached. Despite Ian's promises that she was always welcome, she felt out of place and maybe even a little afraid.

Hospitals caused her great discomfort, and she was certain they always would.

She found him in a hallway, and his greeting felt stiff and clinical. Just like the hospital enclosing them.

"Hello, Maura... Is everything okay?"

"Oh, yes. Everything is fine. I was just around, and I had a wild notion you might be free for lunch?" The look that followed let her know just how wild that notion truly was.

"I'm sorry. Dr. Pike's here to discuss his research program."

"Oh, the schizophrenic narc-"

"Narcotherapy," he cut in, filling the word she was already going to use. He did that sometimes. She hated it immensely. "It's a big word, sweetie... Oh, which reminds me that next Thursday is the big fundraiser, so don't put us down for anything."

Secretarial duties. Funny, she wasn't aware she'd been promoted.

"Okay."

.

Dr. Pike was the sort of man to wear grey suits with brown elbow patches and lapels. They'd met before on a variety of occasions, but Maura wasn't particularly fond of him. He had a way of eyeing her as if she might just be his next patient.

"Dr. Pike, you remember my wife Maura, don't you?"

"Yes, of course, it's nice to see you again."

She nodded in acknowledgment, but refused to speak to the man that always forced her under such scrutiny even in the most fleeting of exchanges.

"Do you two have plans?"

"No, I suppose I need to remember to call ahead first before I decide to be spontaneous," Maura toyed nervously with her wedding ring. The hospital alone was enough to make her feel jittery, but with Dr. Pike added into the mix, she felt like she might rip through her skin to escape.

"I see."

"I'll just leave you two then," she said, touching Ian at his elbow briefly before hurrying away.

. .

Ian watched Maura walk away, noting the shaking of Dr. Pike's head.

"It's hard to tell right off."

"Yeah, I wish you could have spent more time with her. I didn't know she was coming."

Pike glanced over at the exit Maura had taken as if she'd left a piece of herself there, "Well, I see what you're talking about. Her... her body language is _very_ protective, _very_ concealing, Dr. Faulker. It's clear that she's deeply uncomfortable." He rubbed at his chin thoughtfully. "It's odd."

"She's always been skittish. I just, I don't _know._ "

.

.

 **New Mexico**

.

 _"Okay, who's that guy?"_ Maura asked, eager and excited and much too adorable to ignore.

"That's Johnny. I work with him at the car wash."

The bar was too crowded for anyone to notice let alone care she wasn't even trying to disguise their conversation. Always before, she'd use her cell phone in public, but somehow tonight she didn't feel like she needed it.

 _"Is he kind?"_

"I think so."

 _"Ooh, who's that?"_ Maura asked when her eyes stopped for a brief second at the other end of the bar.

Jane rolled her eyes, "That's Breezy Bob. Worked with him once on a high way job. He's gotta real interesting smell."

Maura laughed, a sound Jane was certain she'd never tire of hearing. She liked seeing her happy as often as possible.

"Where are you?"

 _"In my bedroom."_

"In the dark?"

 _"Jane, it's nearly midnight here."_

"So you're saying you want to go to sleep. I see how it is."

 _"No!"_ Maura said, alarm trickling through the both of them. _"No, I never said that!"_

"Relax, Maur. I was just teasing."

 _"Oh... okay. Who's that?"_

Jane glanced up, accidentally locking eyes with the man just two stools away. Right away she knew he wasn't from around here. Dressed in leather and denim, he looked more like a character from a cheesy movie than he did an actual person.

"You gotta problem, sweetheart?"

 _"Tell him to go fuck himself."_

"No, sir," she turned away from him and covered her mouth with her hand. "Jesus, Maur. You gotta mouth on you."

 _"You should have told him."_

"Why? Do you like when we get hit?" Jane asked, shaking her head. It came as no surprise at this point that Maura had a tendency to get a little strange at night. She let her eyes wander around the bar for Maura, halfway taking in faces, halfway checking over her should to make sure another pool cue wasn't coming her way. Jane could take hits all day long, it was Maura she was worried about.

But one quick glance let her know she could rest at ease for another few seconds.

 _"Jane? Who is she?"_

"Who is who?"

 _"That girl over there. The pretty one."_

Jane looked up, tiny shocks running down her spine. Riley. "Uhm... that's just a girl."

 _"I think I remember you telling me you knew everyone."_

"That's Riley."

 _"Ooh, Riley."_

"She's... nice."

 _"She's nice? Is she married?"_

"Nah." She wasn't about to talk women with Maura. Not with shy, clumsy, oh- _so_ married Maura. Not happening.

 _"Jane look! She's waving at you! You're friends? Ask her on a date!"_ Maura's excitement was infectious. _Everything_ about Maura was infectious. So much so, Jane felt her stomach already doing flips.

"I'm not gonna just ask her out."

 _"Please?"_

"No, Maur."

 _"Look! Look! She's coming over. What is this strange power you have over women?"_ Maura teased, moving her hands out in front of her signifying magic.

"If you don't shut up, I'm gonna shut you out," she warned.

 _"Please don't. Not when our girlfriend's here."_

For a moment, Jane had to wonder when Maura got so good at this. This weird teasing that somehow managed to slip beneath her ribs and take hold in her heart.

"Hey, Jay," Riley greeted, taking the stool beside her.

"Are... Are you here alone?"

"My friends are coming... but not 'til later." Riley tucked her hair and leaned back against the bar, "Haven't seen you around much."

"Haven't been around."

 _"Jane, that was terrible. Tell her you like her shoes."_

"Uh, I like your shoes," Jane said without taking the care to even glance down at them first. Nice.

Riley's smile widened, "I can't believe you noticed them. I got 'em on sale. They pretty much go with anything."

 _"See? You compliment a girl on something she did or bought, not their eyes or something she born with or have no control over. That's..."_ Maura hugged her knees to her chest, _"that's how she knows you like her. You like her taste, you like h-"_

"Shut up," Jane murmured again, unable to think with Maura supplying her own little inner monologue.

"What?" Riley asked, suddenly afraid she'd offended her.

"I just... I hate this song."

"You're joking, this is like my favorite song."

Dammit. "Oh... I know, it's just that I've heard it so many times."

"They do play it a lot."

It was awkward again. Jane hated to admit it, but she needed Maura for this. At the same time she could feel Maura's anticipation all the way on the other side of the country.

 _"Ask her out! Ask her out!"_

Jane suppressed a groan. She didn't understand why Maura was so insistent. "Riley, are... are you busy Tuesday night?

"What'd you have in mind?" Riley asked, leaning forward. Intrigued.

 _"Say 'I could cook for you.'"_

"Maybe I could cook for you?"

"You cook?"

Not at all. But she was already too far gone for the truth at this point. "You'd be surprised."

"I'm busy Tuesday, but we can do Thursday."

"Alright. Dinner. Thursday. Six thirty."

Riley smiled and touched her arm, "Well, my friends are here. I'll see you Thursday." And with that, she walked away.

 _"No, no, no, no! I'm busy Thursday!"_

"Yeah, you're not coming."

 _"Ian and I have fundraiser Thursday night, Jane!"_

"And you think I want you coming on my date, telling me how to kiss and stuff? Yeah right, Maur."

 _"Who made you ask her out? You couldn't even talk to her, Jane. You need me."_

"Still not coming."

 _"I made you, and I can break you."_

Jane laughed down at her beer bottle. "Are you drunk?"

 _"Of course not."_

"So you're just naturally this weird."

 _"I suppose I am."_

She could feel Maura smiling in the way she could feel sunshine on her face. And all at once she felt grateful to have her in her life at all. Even if she didn't deserve her at all.

Not even a little bit.


	6. Chapter 6

**Massachusetts**

.

The fundraiser seated dozens for dinner. A black-tie affair of the sort Maura felt so accustomed to. She'd grown up in a world much like this, only over the years she had lost her margin for error.

Dr. Papov, a close friend of Ian's had been talking her ear off all night, but she knew the routine. When to smile. To nod. To ask clarifying questions at all the right times. At home, Ian joked she was 'well-trained.' She liked to think everyone else was just _that_ predictable.

"A charity donation is just like any other investment. You wanna know your money is being put to good use."

"Wow, you know, Dr. Papov, I can't think of a better place to put your money than in the research fund." She'd only been vaguely listening, but judging by his reaction to her words, she'd hit her mark.

Papov chuckled, "Of course you can't, your husband's on the board!"

Their table shared a laugh, and Maura knew she was doing everything Ian wanted her to. Saying all the right things. Laughing on cue. Directly across from here, Dr. Pike gave her a smile. He was the reason for this fundraiser tonight, but she couldn't help but feel uncomfortable under his clinical gaze.

"But you're right, you know. Sick people are always the best. Real lump in the throat stuff, these hospital charities. Give me psychos every time."

Maura flinched a little, knowing she was about to inch over the line Ian had drawn for her. "The mentally ill, Dr. Papov," she corrected, pushing her chair back. "Would you mind excusing me for just a moment?"

.

She sought some strange bit of refuge in the restroom, grateful to find it empty. All night her mind had been off donations and on Jane's date with Riley. The date _she_ set up.

Maura stepped into an empty stall and leaned back against the door, "How's your date going?"

 _"Fine, yeah. Why? What do you want?"_ Jane was outside grilling, and from the looks of it, not doing a great job.

"Nothing, I just wanted to check on you." She let out a breath, almost relieved Riley hadn't arrived yet. That girl was beautiful. It was unsettling.

 _"Yeah, everything's great."_ Jane was nervous. She could feel it shared between them as the brunette rushed back inside her trailer. Riley must have been a bigger deal than Maura had originally thought, and something in that jarred her stomach.

"Jane, your sauce is burning."

 _"I haven't cooked anything that didn't take microwave instructions since... ever... Here, smell this,_ " Jane said, holding a spoonful of the sauce up to her nose.

The strong scent nearly knocked Maura off balance. "What is that? Rosemary?"

 _"Yeah. Too much?"_

"No..." Maura looked down at the concoction sitting on the stove top. It looked awful. "It's a little thick."

 _"You said it's s'posed to be thick."_

"Yes, but not like a brick, Jane," she smiled. She liked nervous Jane from a reason she couldn't name.

She watched as Jane ran through her house, breathing heavy with nerves. The light in her bathroom flickered on, revealing just how flustered she really was. Her cheeks were red and her hair stuck out, defying gravity in ever direction. Not to mention her shirt. Baby blue and buttoned all the way to the top.

 _"I can feel you scrunching your nose, Maur. You hate this shirt, don't you?"_

"Uhm..."

 _"This is the wrong shirt! Women everywhere revile this shirt."_

"Jane, calm down. It's going to be okay."

 _"Then stop giggling at me!"_

"Okay, just please undo some of those buttons. You look like you're suffocating."

Jane did so and looked up for confirmation, _"Better?"_

Oh, yes. Just those few undone buttons revealed just enough skin to make Maura insides jump. She didn't even let herself focus on those defined collarbones that were ever so ruthlessly calling her name and taking the strength from her knees.

 _"Maur, are you alright?"_

"Yes. I mean... um. Yes." She placed a hand on the wall beside her, confused at her body's reaction to Jane's shirt. Or more specifically. To _Jane_.

 _"How's your money party?"_

She wrapped her arms around herself, not wanting to be reminded that she had to go back in there. "Oh, you know, stuffed shirts anonymous. My biggest concern is not falling asleep on one of Ian's friend's shoulders."

She heard distant knocking, and immediately perked up, "Jane, she's here!"

 _"Shit!"_

"Hey, you're going to be great. Good luck."

 _"Thanks, Maur."_

 _._

 _._

 **New Mexico**

.

Jane pulled open the door with as much composure as she could manage. Talking to Maura seemed to help a little, but she was still the mess she'd been all evening. And of course, Riley looked amazing. She always did. It wasn't helping with Jane's nerves buzzing all around the room.

"Uh, come in."

Riley stepped inside and looked around the room. Just looking, not judging. Jane felt like kissing her right there. "I've never seen your place before."

"You haven't? I thought you came out here for the fourth."

"I don't think so."

"Oh, well I had a barbecue. It's kinda my own concept. Barbecue on the Fourth of July."

Riley tilted her head to the side, "Lots of people do that, Jay."

Jane mentally slapped herself. It seemed she was back to her usual 'can't talk to women for shit' self. She had to say something else. Something to change the subject, but what?

Last week Maura had said some nonsense about complimenting a woman about her clothes or something. Deciding that as her best bet, she tried it again. "I uh, I like your shoes."

"You gotta thing for feet, Jay? Dated a guy like that once," Riley said, glancing down at the same boots she was wearing last week at the bar. "He was a real weirdo."

"No... I don't. Uh, sorry. Can I get you something to drink? I picked up some wine earlier if you wa-"

"You got a beer?"

Relief flooded her, "Yeah, sure."

.

"So you really cook and everything?" Riley asked as she walked over to the train wreck on the stove top.

"Sometimes."

"What's this?" she asked, making a little face at the sauce.

"It's a sauce," she answered, wishing she could have come up with something else to say.

"Smells kinda crazy."

 _"Ugh, that's rude."_ Maura mumbled.

Jane rolled her eyes. She thought Maura went back to her fancy dinner with her husband and his rich friends. "Well, it's not for tonight."

"Yeah, I don't like my steaks all fancy," Riley said, moving away from the stove. "Just burnt black with tons of ketchup."

 _"Figures,"_ Maura grumbled.

"Maur," Jane said under her breath. "Go away."

.

.

 **Massachusetts**

.

"Figures what?" Dr. Papov asked her, pulling her out of Jane's trailer and back to the fundraiser.

"I'm sorry?"

"I thought you'd spoken."

"Oh, gosh. Maybe I did. I think I was j-" she was cut short as a wall of flames exploded in front of her. She pushed backwards, knocking over her chair and several wine glasses in the process.

 _"Oh shit!_ " Jane said, rushing over to the fine on the stove.

"It's hot! Put it in the sink!" Maura yelled to Jane, completely unaware of all the horrified eyes on her. Her mind was not in Boston. "In the sink! In the sink!"

Her hands burned, and her nerves felt fried by the time Jane figured out how to grab the pot and toss it in the sink.

 _"There. Happy now?"_ Jane mumbled bitterly at her.

 _"Me?"_ Riley asked.

 _"No, not you."_

Hands closed painfully tight around Maura's shoulders, forcing her to come back. Ian shook her, "Maura! Maura, honey, maybe you should go wash that off."

 _"Stay out of this, Ian. And don't touch her,"_ Jane growled.

Maura opened her eyes and looked all around her and the setting chaos she'd created. But everyone just stared at her, wide-eyed and scared. She wanted nothing more than to disappear completely. "Oh god... I'm... I'm so sorry."

"Yeah," Ian released her shoulders, "why don't you go to the bathroom... collect yourself."

.

 _"Who's Ian?"_ Riley asked. Maura's heart sank. Not only had she thoroughly embarrassed Ian, but she'd ruined Jane's date too. She braced her hands on each side of the sink and closed her eyes. Tonight was an absolute disaster.

 _"Just... give me a second,"_ Jane said, making her way past Riley and turning into the bathroom. Maura waited patiently for Jane to close the door, but after, she couldn't help the tears seeping into her words.

"What did you think you were doing, Jane?"

 _"I told you not to come along anyway! I had everything under control."_

"You had everything on fire!" A tear leaked from the corner of her eye and she wiped at it immediately. She couldn't help but picture what it would be like when she eventually had to return to the dinner.

 _"Well, that's the way I like it!"_ Jane snapped.

"Sure," she wiped another tear, "burned black. Tons of ketchup."

 _"It's none of your business what she eats, you snob. She's my date!"_

"Yeah, well you really know how to pick them, Jane."

Jane balled her hands into fists, fury growing with each second, _"What's the matter with you?! Are you jealous?"_

"No! I'm not jealous!" Maura claimed, clutching her hands into her chest. The absurdity of it all was almost laughable.

 _"Then butt out!"_

"Why don't you make me?" she could feel herself getting hysterical, but she didn't care. She couldn't care. "Just make me."

 _"You think I won't?"_

Maura glanced up at the mirror, taken aback at the reddened, tear-streaked state of her face. "Make me."

She watched the uncertainty cross Jane's face, Maura's confusions rising as Jane lifted her hand. "What are you-"

In one quick movement, Jane slapped her own hand across her face.

"Ow!" Maura's hands flew to the side of her face, "Did you just-"

 _"Slap myself in the face? Yeah."_

"You're being a child."

Jane slapped the other side of her face. _"Did it again."_

"Stop it."

 _"Did it again."_ Another slap. _"And again."_

"Jane, stop-" It didn't hurt. Not physically anyway, but the fact that Jane wouldn't stop, only pushed her further. "Stop it."

 _"I'm not going to. I won't."_ She slapped her face again and again and again, all but realizing Riley watching in horror behind her.

It wasn't until Riley cleared her throat when Jane finally stopped. _"Oh hey, Riley. I was just... uhm. I was..."_

 _"I'm gonna go, Jay."_

 _"Riley!"_

.

Maura spun around in the bathroom, searching for any trace of Jane's trailer. But she couldn't. There was nothing but fancy soap, low music, and expertly folded hand towels.

She didn't want to believe what was so perfectly clear:

Jane had cut her off.

..

.

Ian was beyond angry. She could just tell by the way he ripped is tie from his shirt and threw it in the general direction of the closet. It was very possible she had ruined everything for him tonight.

"Are... Are you ever going to speak to me again?"

"What do you want me to say, Maura? Thank you, I'm so glad you made us look like idiots?" his voice was low and quiet. She just wished he'd get it over with and yell at her. But there it was. The cold anger. The kind that made her wish she didn't exist at all.

"You didn't even apologize to Dr. Pike."

"I don't like Dr. Pike... He always looks at me like he's trying to guess my weight."

"He was trying to raise money for an important project I happen to be involved it!"

"I... I don't know what happened, Ian." In truth, she wasn't sure how the fire started, though she wouldn't look much further than that terrible steak sauce. "I was confused."

"That's not it." He turned around and faced her for the first time tonight, eyes ablaze, "Something is happening to you, and I don't know if it's what happened before or not."

"It's _not._ Believe me, it's not."

"Okay, then what? What?!"

She twisted her hands together in her lap, "I don't know, Ian. Sometimes you just look at everything and it's all just... different. Do you know?"

"No."

"It's like..." She can't even begin to describe it even to herself, how could she possible explain it to Ian? But she could feel herself losing him. She had to try. "It's like shedding your skin."

"Is... is that what you're doing?" He sat next to her at the edge of the bed. "Shedding? Shedding me?"

"No. No." she reached out and touched his face. "Of course not."

Something in his eyes told her he didn't believe her. Not completely. But how could she prove it? How could s prove something she wasn't sure she understood herself?

She opened her mouth to say something, but her words feel silent as he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.

.

.

 **New Mexico**

.

Jane sat out on the steps in front of her trailer, drinking the last of the beers in her fridge. She'd long since stopped thinking about her date, and now she was stuck on something else.

She'd cut Maura off to chase Riley down to somehow explain what happened in the bathroom without sounding insane. But by the time she made it outside, Riley was already in her car driving away. She'd been angry with Maura for ruining her date, but the longer she sat there, the more she realized that date was a disaster to begin with.

It wasn't Maura's fault.

She went to take another drink of her beer, when all the sudden she felt that swirling feeling in the back of her head.

Maura.

 _"Hey."_

"Hi."

 _"I'm sorry, Jane. I know I messed up your date, and I'm so-"_

"Nah, you're fine. I would've screwed it up anyway, you just saved me some time."

 _"Give yourself a little credit, Jane. That girl really likes you."_

"Well, if she did, I think she got over it pretty quick-"

 _"Quickly,"_ Maura corrected.

"You know I hate it when you do that," Jane said, smiling despite herself.

 _"Well, I hate when you forget about Mr. Adverb."_

"Anyway. She got over it pretty _quickly_ when she caught me talking to the little man inside my head."

Maura sighed and traced her fingers along the edge of the couch, _"Sorry. It's just sometimes when I'm with you... I forget myself."_

Jane smiled, and shifted in her seat a little as Maura's unidentifiable mood stretched between them. She felt fizzy and warm, like sea foam and sunshine. "You feel funny."

 _"What?"_

"Don't you feel funny? Like, not a fever, but..."

 _"Oh."_

Jane could feel Maura embarrassment flooding to her cheeks. It was adorable.

 _"I was... I was previously engaged in a certain kind of activity and uhm I-"_

"Nope," Jane held her free hand up. "I don't wanna hear about it." She ignored the unusual pang in her stomach, passing it off as just her body telling her to eat something.

 _"I should go."_

"Okay, and I... Uh. Look, I'm sorry about tonight."

 _"Me too._ "

"Well, goodnight, Maur."

 _"Goodnight."_


	7. Chapter 7

**Massachusetts**

.

 _"Alright. This is a good one. How does your partner rate as a lover?"_

Maura nearly dropped the box she was carrying. "Pass!"

 _"No, wait!"_

She set the box down and shook her hands in front of her, "Pass, pass, pass, that's none of your business."

 _"Of course it's my business, hush up,"_ Jane joked, glancing down at the grocery line magazine in her hands. She'd been asking Maura the questions all morning.

"Jane."

 _"You would describe your,"_ Jane scrunched her nose, _"lovemaking as A, wild animals. B, sweet and slow. Or C, at least he tries."_

Maura knelt in front of the box and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, "Uhm B? A? No, no... Yes. B?"

 _"Okay, if you say so. Okay next one. How often to you and your partn-"_

"No! Pass!"

 _"Why?"_

"Pass!"

 _"This questionnaire isn't gonna work if you don't answer all the que-"_

"Wait," Maura said, perking up as she recognized the song playing on the radio beside Jane. "Turn up the radio."

 _"You like this?"_

"I love this song."

 _"Me too."_

Maura reached for another box, laughing at Jane's failed attempts to hum the song. "You liar. You don't know this song."

 _"Yes, I do. You used to sing it in the shower all the time."_

She pulled at the flaps of the box, pausing for a second, registering Jane's words. "You went in the shower with me?"

 _"Maybe."_

"Jane Rizzoli!"

 _"Shh, this is your song, Maur."_ Jane turned it up and stood from the bench she'd been sitting on. She started to move her feet to the music, mock-dancing in a way only Jane could.

"You're... silly."

Jane flopped back down on the bench, _"But you love me."_

"I do, y-"

Ian cleared his throat behind her. There was no phone nearby. No excuse for talking to herself this time. Jane turned down the radio, but she didn't leave. And something in that comforted Maura.

"Oh hi, Ian."

"Is this more of your, uh, shedding?"

"Is what more?" she asked, hoping he didn't hear her talking to Jane.

"You were dancing."

"Oh, I was? I guess I didn't realize."

 _"We'll talk later,"_ Jane said before fading out into the dull background noise of the street outside.

Ian looked around the cellar, "So what brings the party down here?"

Maura glanced at the mess of boxes she'd made. "I was just looking for my old photo albums. I thought they were in the corner."

"Yeah... Last time I saw them they were right there. God, I hope the cleaner didn't throw them out."

"No, that doesn't make any sense. Sarah would have asked-"

Ian cut her off and changed the subject. And right then, she knew for certain he'd gotten rid of her pictures. She had no proof, but for once in her life she just _knew._ "I ran into Carol today. She was talking about that painting class you said you were going to take."

"The drawing class," she corrected. "I don't have to go, if you don't want."

"No, no. I think it's great. You know, get you out of your... the cellar."

Maura took a step back, "Why would Sarah throw out my photos?"

"I'm not saying she did, honey. But maybe it was an accident," he ran his hands up and down her arms, trying to comfort in her a way that felt only restrictive and stiff. "What do you want with them anyway?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to show them to J-" she stopped herself. "I just wanted to look at them again."

"I'm not saying don't find them. That's a healthy thing. In fact, I can help you look for them. I have my council meeting at six, but it won't kill me to be a few minutes late."

Maura shook her head, "Yes, it will."

He smiled, clearly relieved to be shed of another small obligation. Maura knew how busy a man he was. He didn't have the time to help her look for something so trivial.

"Thank you."

.

.

 **New Mexico**

.

Jane wiped her hands on her jeans and stepped out of the bathroom, not all that eager to get back to her game.

 _"Everything come out okay?"_

Jane chuckled. This time she could feel it for real. "You're drunk this time, aren't you?"

 _"I've barely had anything to drink. But give me time, partner."_

"So now you're drunk, cowgirl Maura."

 _"Yes, I am... I got wine on my pants, Jane,"_ Maura slurred, squirting some kind of laundry spray on the jeans draped across her lap. Another laugh bubbled out of her. _"What's Ian going to think?"_

"Where is old Ian."

 _"Meeting."_ Maura climbed down off the counter and stumbled to her feet. _"Have I given you the tour of my luxurious home?"_

"Yeah, you have."

Maura walked toward the TV anyway, spouting out random descriptive words. _"Elegant, modern entertainment center. The perfect addition of every home-"_

"Did you ever find those pictures you were gonna show me?"

 _"Mmm-"_ Maura finished off her wine but kept the glass in her hand. _"They're gone."_

"Wait a minute, what happened?"

 _"They're gone."_ she started to climb the stairs, stopping to take a break in the middle, _"I have been through the entire attractively furnished house. Maybe the maid ate them, Jane. I once watched a special about a woman who ate newspaper. Jane! We should get them to make one about my maid!"_

"Your maid ate your pictures?"

Maura pushed her hand over her face, _"Or maybe my husband slipped them into the trash."_

"Are you serious? Why the hell would he do that?" Jane shut off the game and sat down on her bed.

 _"Because he knows me. Ian takes care of me."_

"That's not taking care of you... that just sucks."

 _"He's not being mean, Jane. He knows how I get sometimes, looking through that stuff. It doesn't matter anyway. I know them all by heart. There's my mom when she's little,"_ Maura held out one finger, _"she has my eyes: hazel-green with flecks of panic. And then her teaching me how to swim. Notice how I'm grafted to her arm... Not a success."_

"Yeah?" Jane smiled, wanting Maura to go on.

 _"And then,"_ Maura laughed again, spinning the stem of the wine glass between her fingers, _"there's this picture of a pony. I don't know why it's in there or who it belonged to, but there it is anyway... And there's my dad. The scariest man who ever lived. When I was a little girl, it amazed me that even grown ups were scared of him."_ She laughed once more, bitterly. She wasn't happy. Not in the least bit. _"My parents... All they ever taught me was how to be afraid, and I went out and found the copingest man alive, so he could take care of me. So he could get rid of the past. Chipping away at it. All my little quirks and insecurities. Until..._ viola _. Nothing left."_

Maura looked at the glass in her hands one last time, before tossing it over the railing. It shattered on the wood floor below, but Maura seemed beyond caring. Instead, she merely pulled herself to her feet and continued up the stairs.

 _"Hah. Nothing like a little truth to sober you up, huh?"_

"I'll tell you about my family," Jane said finally, voice low, eyes glued to the floor. "I got two brothers. Frankie and Tommy. They were with me when I got busted. It was my idea, they just came along for the ride... They got away with some community service... I didn't, as you know. And my ma... I put her through so much, by the time I got popped she stopped talking to me. Didn't even wait for the trial." Jane raked a hand through her hair. She'd never told Maura about any of this.

"I've never met anyone I didn't disappoint. Where it wasn't my own fault. I mean... the best thing, the _only_ thing about me that I like is you."

She could see Maura's bedroom now, cast in darkness, but there was just enough moonlight to make out an outline. Maura stood once more before the floor-length mirror in nothing but an oversized blue, button-up shirt.

Jane leaned back against the headboard. "Oh, fuck."

"I wish you weren't so damn pretty, Maura." She ran her hands over her face, "I know it's dumb and shallow and, I mean, you're married, Maur, and I'm on parole... Still sometimes I think... I just wish you weren't so damn pretty."

Maura grabbed the bottom of her shirt, slowly undoing the bottom button. Jane sank deeper in her pillows, staring up at her ceiling like it was the most magnificent thing in the world because right then, it was.

"Maur-" her words died in her throat as the blond's fingers moved higher, undoing the next button, and the next until the sides of the shirt fell apart. Maura shrugged it off her shoulders and let it fall to the ground.

There she was. Just standing there in front of the mirror, perfect in a way Jane had never known.

"Fuck," she said again. She had more to say, but she couldn't find the words. All she knew was that Maura was it. Really _it._ "I'm in so much trouble."

Maura placed a hand against the mirror, eyes absolutely unreadable in the faint moonlight.

 _"I want to know what you feel like."_

.

.

 **Massachusetts**

.

Maura looked back and forth between the model and her own drawing. The object of the class wasn't perfection. She _knew_ that. But that didn't stop her disdain from setting in and the sheer mediocrity of her piece.

 _"Oh, stop it. It's great. It's cool. Look at Carol's."_ Jane pushed a damp towel over the hood of a Jeep, no longer caring about hiding her conversation with Maura.

She glanced over at the slightly odd drawing on her right, stifling a laugh as Jane just had to input.

 _"That's a little abstract there, Carol."_

A quiet laugh escaped her, turning half the heads in the room. "Sorry."

She turned back to her drawing, accidentally adding a stray line as someone knocked on the door behind Jane.

 _"Hey, Maur. I gotta go. That's my boss."_

"Okay, I'll see you," she whispered as quietly as she could manage, but when she turned to look back at the model, she noticed Carol quickly turning her eyes away.

.

.

 **New Mexico**

.

"What's going on, Cavanaugh," she asked, shoving her hands into her pockets. It wasn't everyday, her boss showed his face.

"It's not working, Rizzoli."

"Uhm, what's not? Wait, are you... are you firing me?"

Cavanaugh sighed, "If you were me, Jane, what would you do? Keep the ex-con who talks to herself all day? You _frighten_ the customers. Look, next time you get a job, just uh, let your imaginary friend stay home. Okay? I'll give you a recommendation if you need one, you just can't stay here. I won't lie. But I'll say you were honest."

.

.

 **Massachusetts**

 **One Week Later**

.

Carol was right about the drawing class. It helped.

She'd been drawing that classic bowl of fruit, when the class ended and everyone began packing up, leave her and just a few others that were just as determined to finish as she was.

"Hon," Carol said from beside her, startling her into dropping her pencil, "I'm your friend."

"Oh, good- I mean, yes, of course you are."

"You can tell me. You really should."

"I honestly... I have no idea what you're talking about." She bent to pick up her pencil, deciding it would be best to finish up on Wednesday instead.

"Not at all?" When Maura gave her no answer, Carol continued, "Well, everybody's concerned. Is something going on? You can tell me."

"There's just nothing to tell, Carol. I'm fine."

Carol studied her face closely as if she could pick out a lie that didn't exist. "Have you been seeing someone?"

"Oh, god no. No, no, no, no. I couldn't. I'm married," she held up her left hand for emphasis. "I would never."

"Oh! I meant a therapist," Carol said, her eyes suddenly widening. "You're having an affair?! Oh my god."

"No, no, no!"

But Carol was hearing none of it. "You don't have to tell me who unless you want to because I'm very good at keeping-"

"Carol, I'm _not_. I'm not having an affair."

"Oh, and we never had this conversation," Carol said giving her a wink. "Oh, poor Ian... Oh, I didn't mean that. You don't have to tell me who, that just explains _everything!_ "

"Explains what?"

Carol tucked her hair behind her ears, "Well, I don't mind telling you now that I know you're not crazy, but everybody's talking. Well, you must know that."

Maura reached for her jacket, "Everybody's taking about me? Why? Don't they have lives?"

"Oh, my lips are sealed, Maura. They are zip-locked. You don't have to tell me who he is, but is it someone I know-"

"Carol, honestly, I am not having an affair. I swear. I'm just crazy."

.

.

 **New Mexico**

 **A Few Days Later**

.

After Cavanaugh let her go, Jane had been spending the better parts of her days at Dan's, drinking a little more than she should. But what did it matter. It wasn't like she had a job to get back to.

Maura did a lot of drawing these days. She was even getting pretty good at it. They talked a little now and again, but Jane knew Maura understood the space she needed right now.

"Janie!" Tommy boomed from the back of the bar.

Of fucking course.

"Where've you been?" Frankie asked, settling into the stool beside her. "It's been forever, sis."

"I've been busy."

"We've been waiting on you."

"Have you?"

Frankie's jaw clenched, "Enough screwing around, Jane. Are we doing this or not?"

"Let's do it," Jane agreed, figuring there was that much left to lose, but a whole hell of a lot more to gain.

Frankie slipped her a folded up piece of paper, "Alright, here's the address. We're gonna need you to roll up there, check the place out, y'know? We go in Thursday night."

"Let's go do it now," she said, holding her arms out to her sides. "Let's do it now. I mean, what am I waiting for? This is what I do. I'm a criminal. Just like you two. Who am I kidding?'

"Maybe you've had enough, sis," Tommy cut in. "Head home. Sleep it off."

"Nah, I'm fine. Let's go." She said, standing up and staggering on her feet.

"Jesus, Janie, go home," Frankie said, grabbing her by the arm.

Jane shrugged him off and leaned against the bar, "You know what, I can't. I can't mess with Maur. I can't upset her like that. She lives in my head Frankie, with Ian.. Excuse me _Dr._ Ian. And what am I gonna do when she finds out that I'm just like everybody said. What am I gonna do then, Frankie?"

"You've got voices in your head? Is that what you're saying, Janie?" Frankie said, rolling his eyes and turning away.

"I gotta world of crazy up here, so why don't you find yourself someone a little more stable to be your wire man. Maybe I'm not your girl. I mean, burglary's a pretty tricky piece of business-"

"It's time to shut your mouth now, Janie."

She shoved his chest hard, and he stumbled back a few feet. "You don't scare me, little brother."

Tommy grabbed her at her shoulder catching nothing but air as she spun around and landed a solid punch in his shoulder. "Get outta here, Tommy. And get away from him."

Frankie yanked Tommy back over to him and shot her a serious look. He'd grown up a lot since she got locked up. Just not in the right ways. "I don't care that you're our sister. You screw this up, you're _done_."

.

.

 **Massachusetts**

 **. .**

Ian made his way out to the waiting room and scanned the chairs.

"Carol." She looked up and smiled as he walked out to meet her, "Hi, I just got the call that you were here. What's the occasion?"

Carol sighed and closed her eyes tightly. It was clear this woman had something troubling on her mind.

"What's the matter?"

"It's Maura..."

She said more, but Ian couldn't hear most of it. Certain words ignited like 'secret' and 'affair' and bother just blurred in with the rest. And as Carol walked away, a pure sense of fury washed over him.

..

.

Maura's boots crunched through the snow, each step bringing her closer and closer to the site of her childhood terror.

"Do you recognize it?"

 _"That doesn't even look any smaller."_

She'd always known exactly where it was. Even after all these years, she never forgot the fear she felt while on that sled twenty-five years ago. "I never came here again. I was scared. I just felt like there was something here. Something too grown-up. Too real." She stopped to look at the tree, relieving every second of it with just a glance. "Do you think this is the place that made me crazy? Or does it go further back?"

 _"Come on. You're not crazy Maura."_

"I was once. Right after college. Before Ian and I were engaged. I... I kind of fell apart. Couldn't deal with _anything,_ so I spent some time in a hospital upstate. Rehabilitating, as they called it."

 _"I didn't know about that."_

"Yeah, you missed that one. Probably because I missed most of it, too. I could feel anything, so I'd just lay in bed for three months, some days trying to work up enough energy to cry or _think_ about crying... Ian was with me through all of it. He read to me and sat with me. He tried to get me through it, Jane. he probably did because it sure wasn't me." She hugged her arms around herself. "I was too weak."

 _"Maur, how can you say that? I mean, what you did for me?"_

"Have I made your life any easier, honestly?"

 _"Yes."_

Maura dropped down into the snow, not caring about ruining her jeans or really anything. "You know, Jane, I can't read your mind, but I know when you're lying."

 _"Maura, don't do this."_

"I can't live like this. Jane, Ian is my _husband._ I know you don't like him, but I need to be with him. I need to find him again."

 _"Yeah, you gotta do what you're told, right?"_ Jane said harshly. Sharper than anything Maura had heard from her before.

"That's not fair."

 _"Fair? You wanna talk to me about fair? I finally, for once in my life, I could see something real, and then you tell me I gotta give it up, so how do you come at fair?"_

"I can't be with you and I..." she pushed herself to her feet, brushing off chunks of snow, "I can't play at this anymore."

 _"It's not a game. It's not something that you play. What am I supposed to do?"_

"You are going to be fine. God, Jane, you have so much. You... you blew me away. You _know_ that, you... I'm never going to forget that."

She could feel Jane's desperation, and that alone threatened to change her mind for her. _"Couldn't we just-"_

"No."

 _"How do you expect me to just shut you off?"_

"Because you love me."


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: A major issue I had with the film this is based on is that the ending was a little too dramatic. Maybe even forced if you want to go in that direction, but I've chosen to follow it anyway purely for entertainment purposes. I tried to soften it a little, but what can you do? I hope that's cool with you guys._

 _I've decided to leave it here without an epilogue. Sorry._

 _b_

* * *

 **New Mexico**

.

Jane went to the address on the piece of paper two days after she'd lost Maura.

Frankie was right. It was just a bunch of equipment sitting around waiting from someone to claim it, lawful or not. It didn't matter, but even if it did, it meant nothing to Jane. So they screw up. So she gets locked up again. So what?

The time she spent at Dan's no longer involved alcohol, but instead just the atmosphere. She didn't go to drink or play pool. No, she went to get away from the silence waiting for her in her trailer. Not once had she tried to talk to Maura. She knew what Maura needed was more than she could ever offer. She needed her husband. Her doctor. Not some ex-con about to risk going right back in. Maura deserved better.

Today, Korsak happened to be waiting in the seat beside her usual. "The thing is, Rizzoli. You come in here, and there's always some sort of trouble."

"Is that what you hear?"

"Not three nights ago you were in here doing your little MMA-style tango with your brothers."

"They showed up, I left. We didn't associate."

"Jane, this ain't a goddamn drill, okay? You went and got yourself fired, you're hanging out with known felons and now Frankie is looking to bust your ass."

"Korsak, look, can you..."

Jane felt that familiar swirling in the back of her head, and it almost excited her until she heard Maura's scream, followed by some invisible force that knocked her off her bar stool, and onto the filthy ground.

 _"No! No, please no!"_

Korsak looked down at her, "What's wrong with you, Rizzoli?"

 _"Please no!"_

Jane could see men dragging Maura by her arms down a hall way, and in short intervals she caught glimpses of a man she recognized from Ian's fundraiser weeks ago. The doctor Maura had feared.

She could feel Maura's terror so acutely, it nearly broke her.

 _"Jane! Please! Jane!"_ Maura cried as the men shoved her into a small room. The door slammed shut tight, leaving Maura trapped somewhere Jane couldn't see.

"Jane! Jane!"

Korsak and Dan pulled her to her feet and brushed her off, "What the hell's wrong with you."

"Those bastards," she yelled.

"Who, your brothers?"

"You know what I'm looking at right now? A cell."

Korsak leaned forward, "Hey, you tell me what's going on with your brothers, you won't even have to think about that. I'll make sure of it."

"No, I mean I'm looking at it right now. She's in it. _I'm_ in it."

"What?"

"This is how they see me, so this is where they put me."

Korsak shook his head, "So this is the part where you start blaming the whole world for all your crap?"

"No," Jane handed Dan a few bills for her tab, "this is where I stop."

.

.

 **Massachusetts**

.

Ian sat on her bed, spouting out well-wishes and reassurances. He was letting her know, he'd be with her through it all. Again. But she knew the truth.

"I want you to get better. To stop... worrying about everything. Everything's gonna be fine. You just need to be alone for a while. No distractions 'til you feel yourself again." He pressed a warm hand against her back. "Maura, I love you."

The door locked shut behind him, and she threw her pillow at it. He trapped her in here. And that was absolutely unforgivable.

.

.

 **New Mexico**

.

Jane sold her truck at the local used car dealership and took as much as they'd give her. She didn't care. As long as it was enough to get out. She counted the bills as she walked down the road, cursing herself as she heard a familiar broken muffler.

"Fuck."

She didn't have enough time to react before Tommy clubbed her in the back of the head, knocking her to her hands and knees, "It's Thursday, sis."

"Time to go to work, Janie," Frankie yelled over the top of his car.

"I gotta be somewhere," she said as Tommy yanked her back to her feet. She didn't have time for this.

"Two hours, then comfortable living, sis. It's a good deal," Frankie said as she approached the car.

She held her hands up in front of her, a non-aggressive gesture. "I need to be somewhere, Frankie, I'm asking."

"And I'm answering."

Tommy pushed her into the side of the car. They wouldn't let her go. They would never let her go. Not after this one. Or the next. She didn't need this life. She had one waiting for her. Waiting for her to come save her.

"Get in the car, Janie," Tommy growled. "You know I'm not afraid to h-"

She slammed her elbow back into his face, so unbelievably tired of everything they seemed to thrive on. This would end today.

Frankie circled around, but she had the upper-hand, as well as a jaw-shattering left-hook. Both of them started to get to their feet, but Jane was already speeding away, leaving both her brothers in the dust.

.

.

 **Massachusetts**

"We'll worry about forms later. None of your people will even know she was here," Dr. Pike explained to Ian. He was a good friend. "I'm betting she'll be back to normal in just a couple of months." He held up finger quotes around "normal," signifying he knew the truth, but would push no further.

"Maybe."

..

.

 **New Mexico**

.

She dumped Frankie's car at a bus stop, jumping on the first bus that came around. It was only a matter of time before Korsak caught on to what was happening.

By the time he found the bus stop, she was already in the air. He'd miss her at every stop. She made sure of it. Nothing was going to stop her. Not today or tomorrow or how ever long it would take.

She was going to find Maura.

.

"Maura?" she asked, looking out into the inky blackness outside her window. "Maur? Can you hear me?"

She could feel Maura stirring. Moving.

"C'mon Maura, answer me."

 _"Jane?"_

"Jesus christ!" she leaned back against her seat for a moment before springing forward, "Maura what is going on?"

 _"Ian put me in here. I think he thinks I'm having an affair,"_ Maura said, sounding timid and scared. So unlike the Maura she'd come to know. The one she'd grown to love.

Anger flared in Jane's chest. "So he locks you up? Can he do that?"

 _"I don't know."_ Maura buried her face in her pillow and pulled her blanket over her had. _"I'm afraid of him now, Jane. I don't know what he's going to do."_

"God, you... you feel like you're underwater. What are they giving you?"

 _"Ian gave me these pills. I took them. He told me to take them, so I took them."_ Maura sat up, clearly disoriented.

"Do you know where you are?"

 _"Yes, I'm in the uhm... I think it's the uhm... Hophauer Clinic... It's a mental institution, Jane."_

"Your husband oughtta be a permanent patient, Maur."

The flight attendant announced it was time to fasten seat belts, and Maura sat up straighter, _"Are you on a plane?"_

"Yeah, I'm... I'm headed your way." Jane could feel the relief flooding back and forth between them in waves. "I need to see your room, okay? I want you to look around. I wanna see everything."

Maura looked around the room, and Jane's heart sank. Ian had her in a prison.

.

When she landed, she ducked out of the airport, knowing it would be impossible to pick up a rental car without her name setting off a bunch of red flags in the system. She'd told Maura not to take anything they gave her. To hide it under her tongue if it came to it. She didn't needs those drugs. All they did was turn her into what Ian wanted her to be. Controlled.

 _"Where are you?"_

"Still at the airport.

 _"What are you doing?"_

Jane looked around spotting a man unloading his trunk. As much as her newly developed moral compass was screaming at her not to, she didn't have much of a choice. "I'm renting a car, Maur."

She slipped into the driver's seat, and sped off just as the man had grabbed the last of his bags.

.

.

 **Massachusetts**

 **Maura**

.

Maura Isles was picking a lock with a fork. Something she never dreamed of in a million years, but there she was, kneeling in front of the door, following Jane's instructions.

 _"Now twist to the left... Slowly. Okay, now see if you can find the empty space in there."_

Maura let go with one hand and shook it as a release for the despair growing inside of her. "I can't to this."

 _"You can do it. Just relax. It's not Fort Knox, these are simple locks."_

Maura looked out at the road in front of Jane, "Turn here... Where did you learn to do this?"

 _"School, mostly."_

"I always wondered what you guys did in shop."

 _"I betcha took ballet, didn't you? Or tea appreciation or something."_

"I took ballet, yes, and fencing."

 _"Ooh, fenc-"_

The lock gave and the door popped open. "I did it, oh my god, Jane!"

 _"Damn Maur, that took me a week to learn. You're a natural born criminal."_

"I bet you say that to all the girls."

She could feel Jane's smile. _"Am I close?"_

Maura focused on the path ahead of Jane's car, "Uhm, yeah. Just keep going all the way through town. It's right by the train tracks, you can't miss it."

 _"I'll find it. Time to get a move on. Is the hall empty?"_

"Check."

 _"Nervous?"_

"Check."

 _Listen, when you get out of there... you ever seen Canada?"_

Maura heart clenched in her chest. This was all happening. It was all really happening. "Why? What did you have in mind?"

 _"I thought maybe we could be happy there. Away from all this. From my brothers. From Ian..."_

"From everything."

 _"Go for it. Just walk like you know where you're going."_

Maura nodded, and pushed out the door. It was time to be brave.

.

.

 **Massachusetts**

 **Jane**

.

She could hear the sirens clear as day now. It was amazing how fast they'd found her. She pulled into a self-storage lot, looking around for some outlet.

"Do you have any idea where I am?"

 _"No, get back on Main Street."_

"That is not a good idea," she said, glancing down the row, checking for the cop she _knew_ was hiding somewhere in there. She looked back in front of her, just in time to catch him pull out of the next one.

The loudspeaker crackled, "Turn off the engine and show me your hands!"

Trapped on one side, the only logical answer is to

bolt in the other direction.

.

.

 **Massachusetts**

 **Maura**

.

She moved through the cafeteria, dodging the staff by joining the nearest group of patients. Having her in here was a waste of resources. Ian knew that. Dr. Pike knew that. The both of them deserved to lose their jobs. This wasn't medicine.

This was imprisonment.

She grabbed a jacket off the coat rack in the corner, hoping it would distract from the obvious, tan patient uniform.

She knew the exit was just beyond the next room. It was all within her reach.

.

.

 **Massachusetts**

 **Jane**

.

Unable to shake the two cruisers chasing her, Jane pulled off the main road, thanking all kinds of saints she happened to speed off into a scrap yard. Cars lined as far as the eye was willing to see in this blinding white snowscape.

Their cars obviously not made for anything off-road, let alone muddy, slipped along, making the chase unbelievably nerve wracking. But my some miracle, Jane's car caught wind, giving her a split second to park among the many rows of run-down cars, as the two cops passed by her a moment later, overlooking her car completely.

.

 **Massachusetts**

 **Maura**

.

Maura left the cafeteria, gaining confidence in her escape with each step. Just one short hall, one lobby, and-

 _Ian_.

She stopped dead in her tracks and pushed herself against the side of the hall. "Oh my god. Oh my god. Jane, I can't talk to him. I can't!"

 _"Maura, calm down. You can do this."_

She took in the deepest breath she could handle, "Okay... Okay. I'm just going to walk right past him... It'll be fine."

Maura squared her shoulders, hallway-convinced she could do this. But that's all she needed. She peeled herself off the wall, and headed straight for the exit.

But Ian looked up.

"Maura?"

Unable to think of anything logical to say, she did the only thing she could think to do. Her hands shot out in front of her, half fists, half something else entirely, but one of them connected awkwardly with his throat hard enough to make him choke just long enough for her to get away.

"I told you I couldn't talk to him," she said as she ran with all her might towards the door.

 _"Go, Maura. Just go. Hurry."_

 _._

 _._

 **Massachusetts**

 **Jane**

.

She abandoned the car long before the cops realized they'd been chasing nothing but cold air and snowflakes. By the time they circled back around, she was making a mad dash for the treeline.

One that kept fusing with Maura's panicked escape from the institution.

"Breathe, Maura. C'mon. You can do this."

 _"Where do I go? Jane, they're going to catch me."_

"No they won't. Go to the woods. The woods, go!"

Jane's lungs burned, but she couldn't stop. She would never stop.

.

.

 **Massachusetts**

 **Maura**

.

She could hear the train over everything. Her heavy breathing. The shouts of the personnel on her tail, the deafening crunch of the snow.

 _"Hear that train?"_

"Yes! Yes, I do!"

 _"Run for it!"_

Branches dug into her skin, cutting at her, and begging her to go back. To stop trying so hard for it. But she fought it. She fought everything. Her screaming muscles, her lungs, her frozen hands.

It would all be worth it.

She pushed through, nearly crying as the tracks came into view.

 _"I'm here."_

"Where?" she didn't see her anywhere.

The train was coming, and Maura didn't see anyone. Just the forest. Just her doom.

 _"Here."_

Maura looked up as Jane bounded through the last of the trees on the other side of the tracks. But the train had other plans. Before either one of them could cross, it cut right between them.

Panic gripped her. There wasn't enough time for the train to pass. The staff would find her and take her back there. Back to Ian. Other side of the tracks?

Other side of the world.

"There's an open boxcar," Jane shouted over the train, "see it? The red one?"

"Yes!"

"Okay, go for it!"

Maura sprinted alongside the train, ignoring her body's screaming for her to stop moving. She had to. She _had_ to run.

But the train was too fast. She was too tired, and not strong enough to jump onto it. Her hope was fading by the second. She grabbed onto the car, unable to pull herself up, unable to keep up with its speed. Her hands were slipping. Slipping.

And then suddenly, she had a lifeline. Jane grabbed her, and lifted her inside, arms wrapping tightly around her in an immediate embrace. Maura clung to her as if her life depended on it.

Maybe it did.

But when it finally occurred to her that this was Jane. This was _actually_ Jane. She had to pull back. To see her. To touch her face.

"It's you," she whispered.

Dark eyes held hers for just a moment, before she nodded. "It's me... This is gonna be so weird," Jane said, smiling and dipping down to catch Maura lips with her own. When they pulled back, Maura pushed into Jane's chest, thoughts of Ian fading as Hophauer faded into the distance.

They were free.


End file.
